There is nothing worse than being stuck in a rut doing the same old same old, where nothing changes and we can feel down by everyday life.
In discussion with my clients and students, I often hear them say “this is just the way I am” or “I can’t make changes at home because my partner won’t like it or my boss at work won’t listen”. We cannot be responsible for other people’s happiness or for how they react in situations, but we can make changes to ourselves, our own patterns of thoughts and control how we react to everything going on around us.
Just because we have been this way for a while does not mean we can’t change. We can choose to live a new way, but change can feel scary, so we avoid challenging ourselves or the situation we find ourselves in.
When you are stuck it is often hard to see a path out, do you identify with any of the following?
Do you get put off by big decisions?
Do you avoid confrontation?
Do you have trouble saying no and setting boundaries?
Do you dread work on a Monday morning but don’t have the courage to change job or try a new career?
Are you constantly living in a state of fear or overwhelm, your mind constantly racing and fearing the worst?
If you have answered yes to any of the above then you will know that living this way is exhausting. We achieve less and often think there is something wrong with us, but the good news is we aren’t broken and can learn to move on. It is possible to upgrade our negative patterns of thought and set ourselves free so we are no longer feel stuck.
If your life gets turned upside down maybe that is because that is the right way up for you. Accept the challenge and rise up to it. Fear is limiting, but on the other side of fear there is a wealth of wonderful opportunities, we should feel worthy enough to be able to recognise we deserve better.
As people we constantly evolve, our situations around us change, family dynamics and relationships change, friendship circles change, our careers move on. Things that served us well in the past may no longer be what we need right now, but we feel stuck, guilty even to say things need to change.
Change is good, we need to grow and progress as individuals. Change can feel daunting at first but will feel like a huge relief when we make that leap of faith and change direction.
Rather than remaining stuck and not being able to see the whole pathway out wouldn’t you prefer to be adventurous enough to think where does this path lead?
In the Last 2 years so much has happened in all our lives and across the whole world. We have all lived through a major pandemic like nothing the world has seen before. Covid has had such a huge effect in all our lives, affecting how we lived, worked, and socialised. On top of that we have had all the other stuff that constantly goes on in the background.
During the pandemic I found time to do some much needed self-development as well as expand my professional development. I trained online via zoom as a Control practitioner with Tim Box (something pre covid I would only feel comfortable with face to face). I had been interested in this system for ages but never found the time to fit in the training. While on this course I met an amazing bunch of people who have helped and encouraged me. I really had to push myself way out of my comfort zone and re-evaluate some of my thinking but that has been a good thing.
Pre Covid I was working as a hands on Therapist and Lecturer in my own private college (still do) but the stop and start with all the various lockdowns took their toll, trying to run a business during this time was stressful, as so many of my friends and colleagues in this industry will empathise with.
However, I soon realised I could still see all my clients for mind coaching via zoom, helping them make big changes and gain fantastic results. This was a real game changer for me in 2020.
For me the last 2 years have been transformational, it hasn’t all been bad and some parts of lockdown I will confess to quite enjoying.
It gave me time and space to re-evaluate my life, look at my work life balance and so much more.
I learnt I’m ok with my own company, I don’t need my diary to be constantly full to feel my life has value. I need less material things and rest is as important as being productive.
When we got back to working face to face last spring and my college opened back up again, after several lockdowns, there was always the constant worry in the background that we would get shut down again, so I was reluctant to take time off. Covid numbers were still high so taking a holiday abroad or going anywhere crowded wasn’t an option as I could not afford to get ill or to spread it to vulnerable family members. So, life was still pretty restricted.
The only holiday from work I took was one short break in June with my husband to our caravan on the Kent coast. I had teaching commitments on the Monday so went Tuesday to Saturday. Even then I had to keep my husband waiting to leave home so I could clear my business emails.
While away I continued to check and reply to urgent emails, answered calls from students and make sure social media was updated. I hear all you business owners saying yep me too! My husband did the same, the joys of us both being self-employed.
So, what happened to the lessons I learnt during lockdown? What was the point of the self-development I did if nothing actually changed, in fact was I worse off than before? My clients coaching sessions were hugely successful and life changing for them but was I taking my own advice? It soon became apparent I wasn’t, nothing had changed, and I was back on the work treadmill with my own needs not being met.
By the end of 2021 I hit a low patch, had reached burnout but on the surface to those around me I put on a brave face and appeared to be functioning as normal, I even kidded myself this was just winter blues and normal tiredness. Luckily for me my fellow Control practitioners rallied round, they told me this was normal, that we all have high and lows and many reached out to me for support for which I am very grateful. I needed to be reminded that ultimately, we are responsible for our own health and happiness too.
I talked things through with my mentor Tim Box over coffee in a lovely café, he asked me what advice would I give my clients? He gently reminded me I already knew the answers and the way forward and to take my own advice. I already had the tools I needed to implement change.
I started to make a plan. 2022 started with a change in workdays for me, my work life perspective has changed and now I have a new focus in the shape of a baby granddaughter called Isla born in September 21, who me brings me joy every day and I am privileged to be trusted to look after when Mummy and Daddy are both working. I stay at home 2 days and have enjoy being Nanny to Isla. I get a few emails done while she naps but her needs come first. I can catch up work stuff once she is picked up.
This year I have a new perspective, I am implementing further changes in my own life, setting boundaries, I have an end goal and am making a plan so I can achieve that goal.
Change is scary but it is also exciting. Don’t look back and regret missed opportunities. Don’t continue to follow a certain pathway because its suits other people. Settling for the easy option can end up dimming your light.
If any of this resonates with you and you need some help moving on or moving forward, overcoming past trauma, or feel lack of confidence and anxiety are holding you back from living your dream life, please believe me that there is another way.
You can change, you can get control of your own life.
Let 2022 be the year you show up as Bold and Brave.
Please get in touch if you would like to chat through how you too can be bold and brave and achieve your desired goals.